Sunday, February 3, 2013

target, claymore scotch ale, and a toy that demands blowies

I'm no stranger to the toy aisle at Target. I make it a routine goal to stop in, if only to feel sad that the Barbies of my youth didn't come predisposed to be an African American president or female astronaut. But about two months ago, I discovered this little gem:

Sliver: The (drunk, verbally-abusive, & vaguely misogynistic) T-Rex
Lezbehonest. He had buttons to push. He was out on display. And he was ready for action. After poking at him for a bit, I was torn between feelings of near-hysteric amusement, disbelief, and adoration. Sliver was an asshole; an asshole who was going to get the best home ever.

After visiting him weekly over the course of a few months, one fateful day I signed the adoption papers/swiped my Target Red Card, and the little fellur was finally mine. I could bask in his rude, condescending, and often threatening catch phrases in the comfort of my own home, scrolling through pages of pages of Amazon reviews and enjoying my new favorite refreshing beverage.

I'd like to think Sliver and I have developed a strong dominant/submissive bond during our time together. We've even made a movie together, as seen below.

I'm so enamored with my new King that I did what any other abused, mistreated mistress would do, and Googled what others were saying about my beloved.


Lezbehonest. He played with you.

All T-Rexes were douchebags. Duh.

Here's a few media pieces used to advertise Sliver, just so you can get a feel for his universal appeal.


Is it just me, or does this kid look motherloving terrified of catching the misogyny?
Sliver really is too good to be true. Self esteem too high? Significant other treats you too well? Need your own new worst friend? This toy can be yours for the low, low price of $15.99.

No comments:

Post a Comment